The Familial Culture of Incest; genetic? psychological? learned? or spiritual?

And here we go:  I remember the talks around the "adult table" during Nacht family reunions... My mother, Aunt Annabel and Uncle Henry... along with some of their cousins reminiscing their childhood experiences growing up in Bay Ridge Brooklyn and Rego Park, Queens...  The horrible girlfriends grandpa brought home to live with them... and their horrible daughters... But, their mother hadn't yet died... I guess grandpa began dating crazy women while his wife (their mother; my maternal grandmother) was locked up in a psychiatric hospital for schizophrenia...  The talks about "grandma" giving her 5-year-old son (Uncle Henry) cigarettes... How Uncle Henry didn't start talking until the age of 5... How grandpa told "grandma" to clean the house and her washing down the inside with a garden hose...How my mother pushed Uncle Henry through the plate-glass door and the horrible scar on the inner side of his upper arm as testiment...  How one summer Grandpa sent his 10-year-old son and his 15-year-old daughter to live in a cabin in upstate New York and he visited occasionally... 

But then there was the story of an Uncle Syd, one of Grandpa's brother's who sexually abused his 2 daughters, their cousins... and those two daughters moved far away from their father... one in Florida... and they don't talk to their dad...  I guess that was a justifiable reason for "abandoning" a parent...  I'm sure it caused me some confusion at that young age... Seeing how many grown children of abusers continue contact with their parents, I realize that the issue of "abandonment" of parents is alive and real for MANY adult victims of child abuse...  

An uncle sexually abused his 2 daughters and the fled him...  

And then my father died when I was 4.5-years-old... And at least 13-15 years later my mother explained to me why she treated me as she did...  How she intentionally pushed me away...  and explained to me the aunt of hers who, after becoming widowed, developed an "unhealthy relationship" with her son...  And that's the detail my mother offered me, explaining her concerns justifying her actions towards me...  That at the age of 4.5 I suddenly became "the man of the house"... She couldn't have that...  So she pushed me away... a 4.5-year-old... How was I to become the man of the house at the age of 4.5? and why would she be worried that I, her son, would take the place of her deceased husband the Ophthalmologist?  

But, she also explained that one of her uncles sexually assaulted her older sister (Aunt Annabel)... and he also groaped her (my mother)...  Was it the same uncle?

And my mother has a first cousin who became gay... And I had a first cousin (Aunt Annabel's son) who was gay and died of HIV/AIDS...  Now, if you look at the sex abuse literature tracking adult survivors of sexual abuse, you will find a certain trend:  That male survivors of sexual attacks by adult males during childhood tend towards becoming homosexual afterwards...  Was the sexual predator the same uncle who sexually abused his daughters?  

Granted, I'm just jumping to conclusions...  But there was that Aunt and her son... And there was that Uncle and his nieces... and that Uncle and his daughters... Maybe there was an uncle and his son or his nephews...  

Within such a situation we've gotta think and consider...  Afterall, the following generation has my younger sister Beth who was sexually abused by how many people and from what age?  And why?  It began before the age of 6... Had nothing to do with that or those uncles of my mother... So why Beth? 

And you may say that this is Beth's issue or Beth's problem...  If it were isolated and had nothing to do with the family... maybe yes...  However, if it has to do with the family, then it is every family member's issue and responsibility...  Afterall, my mother greatly contributed to the "ruining" of my childhood due to her horrible family history of incest... And in order to protect herself (and possibly me, if she was truly considering my needs and not only hers) from this family genetic or cultural problem, she abused me in a different way... And still the case isn't closed to whether or not I was sexually abused as a child... since the PTSD expert claimed that I had the classic male signs of sex-abuse with the self-mutalation and pyromania in childhood-adolescence...  I do remember my fear of men with hairy chests...

And Jimmy's father had that chest and I was terrified of jumping into his arms at the YMCA pool in Somerville way back when... Jimmy was our next door neighbor...  Four years older than me.  Six years older than Beth... Supposedly he was Sheri's friend, since he was just one year older than she...  However, he seemingly spent more time with me and Beth than Sheri... and which is why during college my mother asked me if I saw Jimmy sexually abuse Beth... How old were we then?  8 and 6?  6 and 4?  It was Jimmy and his father and possibly older brother with Beth and I at the YMCA.  Why did I remember Jimmy's father's hairy chest as the ONLY thing I remember about Mr. Semsel?  And why did we stop seeing HIM?  My mother said that Jimmy had the tendency towards voyeurism and often noticed him looking into our windows...  Later on, it turns out that Jimmy became homosexual... First a child sexual abuser of girls and then a homosexual?  What happened?  Who taught him to sexually abuse a young girl?  And why?  What did he get out of that?  And why did he decide to become homosexual?  Or was he also sexually abused as a child?

My mother mentioned Stan, Francesca's father sexually abusing Francesca... And now we understood why Carla and Daniel slept together when they had their own bedrooms...  So, we can call Mr. Mendrick a monster, a horrible person, a sex offender against his 3 daughters... And, since we can't know anything about his extended family, about his childhood, we assume that his case is an isolated incident that he invented out of his own mental or neurological problems...  The Catholic priest sexually abusing young boys,...  Isolated incidents...  No one taught them...  You've gotta be a bit deranged to become a Catholic Priest or a Nun in the first place...  At least that's what many people would say... So, it could have anything to do with family culture or childhood experience...

But then we have my family; actions and reactions... And we have the family of Mary and Eve here in Mexico... And we know that something else was happening... If not, then why would my mother relate as she did towards me and why would Beth be sexually abused by so many people from before the age of 6 to after the age of 26?  

Something else is occurring here... Isn't it?  But, when people flee situations and bury the histories, they are conspiring with the culprits; they are protecting the predators and forcing the victims to live within the damage, not enabling anyone to understand why those "victims" live as they do...  Not enabling those "victims" to heal... Not condemning the predators and possibly silently condoning their behavior, putting future generations at risk...  

Do you get my jist?

And this is just the beginning of the topic...