On the other side of the mountain...

Maybe Mary had a dream... that she was visited by the angel Gabriel... And the Angel Gabriel raped her... 

But it was only a dream... However, later on she would give birth... not to a son... but to what seems like a daughter...  And that daughter would never truly grow up... At least not into a complete human being as we think of complete human beings...

How old is that daughter today?  Even the neighbors who grew up alongside that daughter of Mary can't tell her age, although day in and day out for years Mary appeared at their doors, selling her ever so popular tamales, alongside her daughter, who isn't what we would think of as a daughter at all...

I've seen Mary's daughter... And, truthfully I can't describe her... And for political correctness, I don't label her with the typical descriptions, if you understand what I mean... 
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Years ago... although not years before Mary gave birth to Gabriel's baby, although everyone believe's that the baby came from god and that the baby was male... No, this wasn't Jesus, although Jesus is a history of rape too... Michelle told me about her brother's suicide and how her father and her father's young lover were sentenced to 9 years in jail for the repeated raping of her brother... Occasionally she expressed her confusion about whether she was truly lesbian etc...  and I wondered where was her mother all those times that her father and her father's young lover raped her younger brother in their parent's bed... And why wasn't the mother also convicted?  And why did Michelle protect her mother?

And we wonder...

One day I was talking to Michael and M'nique about child abuse... parents abusing or killing their children... and M'nique reacted so harshly in disbelief, as if I were creating stories...  They didn't understand my conflict with my own mother, my complaints about my family...   "A parent wouldn't do that to their child!"  You have no idea the position they put me in... I must be the crazy one...

After Joey fled New York City for Denver, Michelle invited me to a Joan Osborne concert on 5th Avenue in Park Slope...  Before the show, dining on the front patio of a local restaurant, Michelle said to me, "Ross, one day you will meet a woman who doesn't have problems, whom you don't have to devote all of your energy towards helping, curing, protecting... who will be able focus upon you... and you will be able to dedicate the necessary time and energy to yourself..."

And I met Margarita 8 months later... And Margarita is the first "girlfriend" without deep-seeded issues of some sort or another...  
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I finally broke up with Francesca... after 4 years... although she insisted upon having me in her life... although I thought I tried to take my life because she had betrayed me... because she had hooked up with Mark down the shore on Long Beach Island... coming on 30 years ago... I even remember the south Jersey town he was from... if I force my memories..., although I've never visited it... I can still see myself being pushed out of their beach house after asking to speak with Francesca... pushed out by Mark's older brothers... And me sitting in my car on the street and the young men snaring at me, laughing in my face, while Francesca argues with them...  And Francesca with the hickies on her neck, on her breast...  The following day I would find myself in the hospital for having spent the night taking my life... 

And NO, it wasn't Francesca's fault... and it wasn't about her at all...  

At least 9 months later when I was begining the relationship with Judy, who's older brother took her to his clubhouse and showed his friends what his younger sister could do... (he would die of a heart attack at the age of 28, due to cocaine abuse... and Judy was "in-love" with Nick Nolte and had a poster of him on her bedroom door... "My brother looked so much like him!"  

And here we go again;  At least 9 months later, when I was beginning the relationship with Judy, Francesca was visiting my mother... and I would find her sitting in the "TV Room" watching tv with my mother and who knows who else after 4 years of her parents not allowing her to come to my house... after 4 years of struggling to be a normal teenage couple... after 4 years of Francesca so afraid that her parents would discover her at my house... repeated visits by her younger sisters and her young cousin, the patrol sent out by her mother to find us...knocking on the door while we were losing our virginities in my bedroom... 

I came home from the dates with Judy to find Francesca with my mother... and later my mother would tell me that Francesca had been sexually abused by her high-school English teacher father... explaining why her two younger sisters slept together although all three girls had their own bedrooms...  

30 years later, Margarita tells me a story about the two adolescent sisters who slept below the coffee bushes, although she and her brother's didn't understand at the time...  They were the cousins of Eve...


Francesca insisted that I remain with her while she went out on the town with her lovers... 9 months of living as a Yo-Yo until I began dating Judy... and that was that... no more... I wonder when she stopped talking with my mother...  

Judy and I only lasted one month...  I guess there is something unappealing about having sex with someone who learned all she knew from her brother...  who talked about how handsome was her brother and his similarity to Nick Nolte... and you know that her frigidness and callousness is related to the trauma caused by her brother... How many times have you heard that "you will never forget your first love"? What happens to a pre-adolescent girl forced to have sex with her almost adult brother or cousin or with her uncle or her father or grandfather...?
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Alexis said to Eve, in Spanish, "You know you must have liked it if you did it with him more than once..."  

Her brother, Mary's son, used her as a blow-up-doll before she had her first period... in fact, she didn't know about bleeding from between her legs until the hemorrhage that almost killed her during the miscarriage at six months when she was 11-years-old...  

Alexis is our oldest brother-in-law... and had I been in the room or in the ranch or in the state of Veracruz at the moment of that comment, I would have dove into him...  As if she hadn't suffered enough... over the past 13+ years...  

At 11-years-old, Eve had a cesarean... 


Take your time... take your time... breath, love of mine... Take your time... take your time... breath, life of mine... Take your time, take your time... take it... time... over time... with time...  take it... take it... time... take it.. take it... life... Have the time of your life... Take you life... afterall, it's your life to live... live it... time... life and love of mine...

Adam and Eve are a beautiful couple and all the time they are making love, true love... the love of their lives... If you could see them... If you never knew anything about them... the photographs you may take...  true love... Remember the famous photo taken in Paris "the kiss"?  

At 11-years-old, Eve had a cesarean... At 11-years-old, Eve had a cesarean... At 11-years-old, Eve had a cesarean... At 11-years-old, Eve had a cesarean... At 11-years-old, Eve had a cesarean... 

Margarita says that the scar is horrible... not clean like mine... 
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When Adam fell in-love with Eve years ago and pursued her until they became a couple... and what a beautiful couple they are, six years running... When God (Adam's father, my father-in-law) gave Adam a parcel of land and helped him build a small house, God told Adam that he wouldn't give him the title of the land or the house or any form of inheritance as long as Eve was living with him...  God said that to Eve's face... and Eve cries... and we give her the love and the support we can...  And everyone so far from God's country has been so supportive... But Eve still cries... and cries and cries...

And I imagine you think of Eve as a debile person...  because she cries...  No, she's is NOT... You have no idea...  She's incredible, incredible... although, there is only so much a person can withstand... without adequate support... and I'm not the person to tell you what adequate support consists of... I just do what I can... No one can erase history, although many people burn it, shred it, bury it... My family became the self-denile, the negation experts...  The Nazi's burned books and bodies...  as if they were the only culprits in human history... as if the so-called "good guys" truly are the good guys...

But Margarita grew up learning to respect Mary, because Margarita's parents respected her... When Mary's father died a few months ago, Margarita's parents went to his funeral "to pay their respects"... The funerals in the ranch last 9 days...  Although the man raped his daughter, killed his granddaughter's boyfriend... they say out of jealousy...  

One of his daughters "fled" to the other side of the country... But, for some strange reason, that daughter's drug-addict son found his way to the ranch in Veracruz and developed a relationship with Eve's older sister...  When they learned that the cousin was beaten to death, Eve's sister said she was happy, "because he raped me too"...  But, some of Margarita's brothers say they remember the two of them walking along the road as if they were a couple, although not hand-in-hand...  

And, if he grew up on the other side of the country, so far away from his grandfather, who taught him "incest is best"?  And some people claim that Eve's brother learned from their cousin... But they all grew up near the grandfather, they grew up knowing that their highly deformed half-sister was also their grandfather's child...  

And then there are the stories about the uncle who raped his daughters... "He threw himself upon us," and about the granddaughters who slept amongst the coffee bushes, while living with the grandfather... 

And I asked about the uncle who forced himself upon his daughters, where does he live... and the response is "in the ranch... he's a drunk."  

And about the aunt who married the police officer... and one day someone killed the police officer...  I guess she thought that he would protect her...

And Eve's brother has a 7-year-old daughter (and a young son)... and his wife doesn't know about what he did to his baby sister... And Mary doesn't want to confront her... for some reason she protects her son, just as she protected her father.

So, what will happen to that granddaughter of Mary's; that daughter of his?

And if everyone in the ranch knows about this stuff, why hasn't/doesn't anyone do anything about it?


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