What about Wanda:
As an artist I totally get what your saying.this is your inner self coming through in your painting..acrylic? Right? This is a self portrait of pain and I see that...it's not finished because you aren't finished accepting and working through what's going on, or what's not going on in your body.ive done the same thing..started but not finished..I have three oils waiting to be finished..will they, I don't know..I feel anger in your brush strokes..it's raw and it's wonderful..and I like it
Ross: Nice "meeting" you Wanda When I first started painting in Brooklyn back in 1998, people said, "your style is so Van Gogh! or so Picasso Blue Period..." I hadn't studied art or art history and knew of Picasso and Van Gogh. But I decided to look at them, especially Van Gogh. I read part of the biography of Van Gogh and wasn't able to look at my paintings; too much anxiety. I found that my drawings (and paintings) tended to become too dark and heavy; how I dreamed of being able to use much lighter tones... It is very difficult for me and I work consciously towards lightening, although truthfully, I don't understand how people do it... Forgive me for my long-windedness... What I'm getting at is that I totally understand you; anything I wish to hide will appear in some form or another in my painting; the anger or rage and possible fear. These days I intentionally work with reds and oranges. But they generally don't work for me, especially orange... If one thinks of selling their art, they worry about what the viewer will see or feel... All subjects of rage or violence or political injustices are shunned, especially in the U.S., where it seems that everyone seeks silver linings. I have this thing for crucifixions... A few years back I had painted a crucified pregnant woman, since the crucifixion is more symbolic and metaphorical than is literal and the people who historically suffer most that crucifixion socio-politically are women. Using Mary as a vessel to create a son of God and then continue calling Mary a virgin, perpetuates that crucifixion... Perpetuation of the worst type of sexism. She is pregnant. She will give birth to many males who will perpetuate the crucifixion... Which is more than ironic or absurd... it's a backwards way of relating towards life, degrading the bringer of life and the cultivator, who truly teaches us and nurtures us and protects us... However, in order to share those ideas, we must offend people's eyes and ideas or senses... And, sometimes that seems counter productive, since it isn't popular. I tend towards being the least popular person in the crowd, since I say what I feel/believe and don't believe in B/S... not a good networker, since I don't believe in playing the game...
Miss Renee: Thanks so much for sharing your artwork. I can relate a lot to your painting. The yellow in the background speaks to me like vibrant energy in the distance, that I, personally, cannot seem to reach anymore since my surgeries. The energy is around me, but always feels out of reach. Maybe it will come back with time. Also, I like that the heart is strong and solid-colored in your painting, symbolizing to me that we continue to love & give love, inspite of the turmoil within our digestive system. Love prevails, through immense challenges. Thanks again for sharing your work!! Hope you'll continue to do so.
Ross: Somehow we must prevail Renee. We've had the surgeries in order for continuing the struggle. I wish our lives were without all the turmoil. But, I imagine that is part of the lesson that each and everyone must live and learn within this lifetime. Although we can't be "normal" or carefree as others, I believe we owe it to ourselves to find the light within ourselves. Love? It is a very contraversial and confusing subject, confused mainly by 20th century disney influenced fantasies that all stories have happy endings... But the true love is what you find within yourself and around yourself; it's what you truly cherish about yourself regardless of your physical health, limitations and discomforts. It's part of your self-respect and what you have to share with others and what you appreciate from others... Painting causes me a lot of stress. Almost all things creative seem to drain me, with the exception of cooking. However, sometimes I believe it is something I must do, as if it will take me somewhere... It did take me somewhere; it helped me understand that there is a whole other reality outside of what we can understand physically or scientifically; that we are not just our bodies and their limits or their strengths. Some people believe that love is the inherent energy of creation. I believe it is the inherent desire to help (nurture) another person achieve the best for themself without expections of interchange. As for love for oneself... You must learn to be good to yourself; I'm not talking about splurging on your favorite foods but truly giving yourself what you deserve and what you truly need. Some of those things are self-respect, putting yourself and your situation into true perspect (being fair to yourself), and avoiding causing additional harm to yourself (unnecessary stress produced by certain thought processes, etc). It is all within you. I'm not saying that you will not feel bad or down. But, you must find personal experiences that show you that, although you experience this or you've experienced that, your life is truly good; you are truly good. You are a survivor who endures something most people don't endure. You've learned much and you are a thoughtful and caring person. But there are things within you that make you shine regardless of the situation and regardless if certain people or other people don't see it... Nothing of illusions of grandeur. They aren't illusions. Most of what causes us suffering in the U.S., Canada, many European countries and some Asian countries in the 20th-21st centuries are modern cultural illusions and fantasies about image and how we should be (how we should perform/success). You can't compete with the fantasies or illusions or expectations; they've always been unrealistic caused by mass media and Holliwood promoted super stars. So, you put things truly in perspective and remove the illusion and you cherish yourself for who you truly are, not for what you think you should be or should have been and not for the illusions they have about you. Thanks for your appreciation. I hope this wasn't too long-winded.