Perpetual Novembers; Spring Eternal in my Mind; Late-Summer Labyrinths: Awakening from the suburban/almost rural New Jersey perpetual slumber...; Conversations with a Past Life September 21, 2011

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Awakening from the suburban/almost rural New Jersey perpetual slumber...; Conversations with a Past Life September 21, 2011

I'm a very simple person; probably because I grew up in Branchburg and didn't start truly believing in reading until I was at least 19-years-old. I wanted to be a Yankee. Didn't believe in eating salads. Was a very "thoughtful" and "considerate" person who believed in social justice. But, I was horribly simple. I believed in Burger King Whoppers and Roy Roger's fried chicken and french fries. I read Sports Illustrated and spent my days listening to Pink Floyd, the Doors, Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, Journey very loud... The most important thing that could have happened to me was if the Yankees made it to the World Series... No, I'm not apathetic. I just believe that there is so little we can do when there is so much that must be done... I left the Environmental Club when Glen told me that I must focus on one issue or I won't truly help anything or anyone. I was wondering what was the truly most important issue in the world and I realized that there were so many things including environmentalism. But environmentalism wasn't to be put infront of all other issues. The truth is that I am a Branchburg Jersey boy who grew up with the forests and the fields surrounding his house being gradually developed and I loved dreaming of being one of the constructors. Jamie Blazewics and I scavenged the housing developments and spent years building forts behind his house. Then I built forts with Brian Iselin and Peter Coletti. When I entered Raritan Valley Community College while working in the A.T&T mail room in Pluckemin/Bridgewater, I thought I would become a Comptroller for A.T.&T., although I had no idea what that meant, although I believed that it made lots of money within accounting. I was an accounting major for 1.5 night classes. I dropped out of high school to sell Kirby Vacuum Cleaners. Now I am lost... Or I just lost myself. The truth is that I've never been able to live to become rich or not even close to that... But, I didn't know that before the age of 19.

Apathetic... But, sometimes I can use the word "pathetic" for those who become so embroiled in "causes" and truly believe that they or "we" are winning the war; the war against sexism; the war against racism; the war against materialism; the war against shallowness, which means that the side of the spiritualists is beating the side of those who aren't connected spiritually. No! I don't believe that war is win-able, although I continue putting in my 2 cents. I would prefer being apathetic. No. I wish I could just live simply and accept things as they are.

Ya know what the problem is? Suddenly awakening from the suburban/almost rural New Jersey perpetual slumber... But, that was so long ago. When do you get over the shock? And you went to the Northwest. But, for some reason I always find my eyes too wide open. I believe I see everything, although I miss a lot. What I mean is that I'm always looking and watching and trying to understand and attracted to what stands out or what shouldn't be happening... And I'm always asking WHY? although I believe one is so better off not worrying about anything and not feeling anything because there is almost nothing we can do about it. And that's why I can be accused of being apathetic; because I don't believe we can do anything about this steamroller that plasters everything in its path... That's cynical. But cynicism is negative and I don't believe that reality should be judged morally. It's just what is. And if life is difficult that isn't a bad statement. It is just an assessment, if you know what I mean...

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Unfinished "Self-Portrait at 33"

Something I've dreamed of painting since just after my ultimate surgery in 2001. I post this now since I don't know if I will have the chance to work on it before going back on the road on Sunday... The problem is I've been sick for the past 5 days, painting this for the past week, a few hours per day. Whatever the sickness is, it isn't anything I've known and seemingly changes every day. In order to guarrantee my being well anough for the intense work for the following month, I may have to leave this hanging until I return at the end of August...

"La Sonrisa de Amarillo" (Amarillo's smile).

"La Sonrisa de Amarillo" (Amarillo's smile). José and Nicolas were commenting that I should sell the shirt I use for painting, since it is covered with paint. And then José said, "better yet, I'll give you one of my shirts to paint..." It was a joke. But I took it seriously. He has shirt he bought 4 years ago in Zacatecas with a copy of a painting of a bull in a bull fight. However, the print was erased from the shirt years ago. So, I decided to use the space that had the bull. "Amarillo" (Yellow) was the dog at my in-laws ranch when Margarita and I met. Due to a bad fight, he was left with one side of his mouth and one of his ears mangled, which gave him a permanent half snarl with one fang sticking out. He died years ago. But we often mention him...

New House/Studio Guadalajara

Over 20 years ago our friend José "Montaña" bought a parcel of land in the center of Guadalajara. His uncle who was a constructor/mason helped José build the brick house that has 6 bedrooms. Not long afterward, José entered into his older brother's Indian crafts importation business and decided to sell the crafts in fairs around Mexico. His brothers were one of the first people in Mexico City to enter into the Krishna movement that gave them certain perks. While José became vegetarian 4 years ago, sells the Indian furniture and crafts etc, has a giant shrine to Ganesh in his house and hosts the Mahareshi at least two times a year, José doesn't consider himself a Krishna. For at least 15 years José experienced extreme success in the fairs and was able to send his children to private English Language schools (his oldest son went to University in Texas and Married there),was able to visit with his children the U.S. and India and even bought the "castillo" (castle---an insider joke) next door. For years he used it as a store house and for a shop where Mary had workers fabricating crafts and Mexican/asian Indian style clothing. Then, about 4 years ago, Mexico entered into the international economic crises and José began losing money in the fairs. (I, on the other hand, have managed the situation and the coffee business well enough to be able to improve our economy over the past 2+ years, although this year we lost half our fairs (my decision not to enter into suddenly horribly violent zones where the people are fleeing and have fair to go out to the streets.) Out of desperation, José put the house he built on the market and moved his family into the "castillo"; his children were not happy. The "castillo" was built in the 19th century and has very high ceilings and wonderful giant windows and a terrace surrounding the second story kitchen. After a year on the market, One of José's Asian Indian suppliers bought the house and decided to put it on the market. A year ago, dreaming of having an artist studio/house in the center of Guadalajara with it's majestic tree-lined streets, I asked José to contact the Indian suppliers to see if they would sell the "guest house". José replied that he couldn't locate the Indians' representative in Guadalajara. And that ended that fantasy. However, a year later, upon returning to Guadalajara, Margarita called Mary who asked Margarita if we were in need of a house. We had just rented a house for 3 months (a house infested with cockaroaches). However, I had to see the house. The moment we set foot in the empty guest house without kitchen, bathroom, closets, I was hit with the return of the dream I left behind when we left Guadalajara last November. This time I could see all the projects we would begin over the next 10 years. So, we decided to rent the house and hoped that the 32 day fair in Guadalajara would be good for us; and it was. So, now we are "building" the kitchen, we bought a new refrigerator, are having a stainless steel restaurant sink fabricated for us, are looking for good furniture, looking into nice tiling and thinking about the future one more time.

"Hummingbird Goddess of the Mountain"/"Diosa Colibrí de la Montaña"

Crucified Pregnant Woman

(Unfinished Painting November/December 2010). This was the last painting I worked on before putting aside the painting and drawing for 6 months. I don't have any artist training. I haven't ever taken a painting or a drawing class. I don't know anything about anatomy and I have NEVER seen naked pregnant woman, let alone a naked pregnant woman on a cross. That created a hell of a headache working on perspective and shadowing... How does a head hang with the arms spread outwards to the side? My dilemma. After the fair of Tepic, I asked my friend José "Montaña" to take it with him to Guadalajara. Truthfully, it created so much stress that I really didn't want to see it. The problem is that we don't have a house of our own. I don't have a studio for storing my work and supplies...

Stream of Consciousness Drawing "Your Turned Back/The Cold Shoulder" July 11, 2011

In La Isla de Mexcaltitan, Nayarit

The story goes that the group of Mexica indians had a dream one night of the great city of Tenochtitlan they would construct 200 years later in the Valley of Mexico, now known as Mexico City that later on became known as the Aztec Empire. The dream was had on the Island of Mexcaltitan, Nayarit. Upon leaving his "home" on the edge of the river Antigua in Veracruz, Cortez journeyed to the center of what is now known as the Republic of Mexico and conquered the Aztecs, with the help of the Totonoco indians of the region known as Veracruz. Cortez destroy the Grand Tenochtitlan, probably the largest pre-hispanic city in the Americas and constructed churches and cathedrals where the ancient temples and pyramids had been...

Pico de Orizaba in the Morning

I took this photo during our Sunday morning walk. We found a wonderful route that circles Margarita's parents' house; great for a jogging route. When I've run in Mexico, Margarita was my running partner. Back in 2005, when we were running in the Lakes, there were many times when Margarita ran faster than I ran. But, I always passed her on the hills... The wonderful thing about this route is that it passes through the woods, coffee plantations and sugar cane fields; a lot of hills as you can see... So, we've decided that, if we have a strong finish of 2011, we'll buy land here and build a house.